Choosing a Guiding Word for 2018

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I chose a word this year to act as my guide. Whenever I feel like I'm drifting with no solid place to land, this word is my compass to redirect and show me where to go. If I'm caught in a dilemma and don't know what answer to choose, my word will decide it for me. 'll ask: what answer will bring me closer to my guiding word? And a choice will be made. My word for the year is Connection.

I've asked the people I mentor to choose their guiding word. It's easy to say: Just pick one! But I've discovered some people are stumped with the process of finding their word. To make it easier, I'll outline the process I used. 

Divide a blank sheet of paper by drawing a line vertically in the middle. On the top left write 'Do Not Want' and on the Top Right write 'Do Want.'

First, I got clarity of what I really didn't want any longer. To do that, list at least 5 situations on the left side of the paper that you no longer want to experience. These have to be really stressful things you've been experiencing that you really want to get rid of in your life. Some examples:

I don't want to be in debt.
I don't want to be overweight.
I don't want to get mad and shout at my kids.

These are very general. Please use your own specific 'don't wants.' To the right of each item in you list, write the feeling that is attached to the situation that you no longer want to experience. Example:

I don't want to be in debt. - stressed out and anxious
I don't want to be overweight. - unattractive and unconfident
i don't want to get mad and shout at my kids, - guilty, ashamed, I'm a bad mom

Close your eyes and see yourself in all those situations. Sit with the feeling. When I did this I used essential oils to bring it up to the surface more. Feels bad, right? Crazy thing is is that you most likely have been letting the energy of those thoughts and feelings course through your body on an auto setting without being aware. It's easy to let our 'don't wants' rule our lives without question. Your guiding word will help put a stop to that.

Next up, fold your sheet of paper in half so your 'Do Want' side is face up and you can write on it. Write at least 5 things/situations that you DO want to experience. Examples:

I want my marriage to be respectful and peaceful.
I want to laugh with my kids more.
I want to lose weight. 

If you notice, these aren't SMART goals. Meaning that you're not being specific with them and attaching a certain date or number such as 'I want to lose 10 lbs. in 3 months.' SMART goals are the recommended way to plan for a goal but we're choosing our guiding word today so we're not focused on execution; we're focused on the feeling we want in our life.

Next up - you probably guessed it! Write how you'll feel when those situations unfold. Example:

I want my marriage to be respectful and peaceful. - loved, supported, part of a team
I want to laugh more with my kids. - lighthearted, loving, good mom, fun
I want to lose weight. - beautiful, worthy, vibrant, healthy

Now it's time to close your eyes and sit in that version of you. I used an essential oil to get clarity. Really feel into her. Who is she? What attributes does she have to have in order to feel this way? Who is she? What does she exude in order to feel these positive feelings on a daily basis? Take ownership. The life you want to live always starts with you. 

Open your eyes, and on the back of your paper, list, in brainstorm fashion, all the words that came to mind as you imagined yourself as the person in the "I want" column.

From that list of words, choose your word! You can take some time to process all of it, meditate on it, really get connected to the word that you choose. 

This process has served me well and helped me come up with my word for 2018, which is, again, CONNECTION. 

I'm so glad you connected with me on here! If you found the post to be valuable please drop a comment! I would love to hear from you. <3

 
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Making Resistance My Friend

There's a lot of talk about resistance today. There are books written about it, people doing Ted Talks on it, YouTube videos about it...and people experiencing it. Le sigh.

Resistance.

Just uttering the very word makes me feel tired. 

Back when I didn't understand resistance, I hated its guts. It was not my friend. I knew plenty of other people who hated their resistance, too. I remember well-meaning people giving me advice to "punch resistance in the face" and "when resistance knocks you down, get back up and tell it, 'You hit like a bitch.'" Whoa! Why the violence?

It was as if resistance and I were in a boxing ring having a match that was never-ending.  

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The other day I was, yet again, on the ropes. Resistance was giving my creativity, my drive and my confidence uppercuts in their soft areas. I was going down. And would likely be down for the count IF I hadn't had an epiphany in the moment I was getting my ass handed to me.

In a moment of clarity, I stopped fighting. I stopped struggling. I stopped hating. Instead I looked resistance square in the eye and spoke in a direct, gentle tone:

"Hey, Resistance...I am not sure why we're even here. No one wants see us fight. Honestly it's so boring and passé.  I believed we were enemies and we needed to duke it out. but seriously, WHY are we fighting?? Have you ever thought about it? I mean really thought about it? And why has this been going on for freaking years now? I guess I was blindly doing what everyone expects, i.e. what's the norm. Now that I'm doing some critical thinking..is this the best use of our time? Do we really have to fight?? I've never even talked to you once before this moment and yet we both want to beat the crap out of each other on a daily basis? Does that make any sense to you??"

I could literally feel resistance's energy shift after I started talking. It's no surprise, right? Resistance and I were enemies for so long. I'm sure my speech was out of the blue and startling. Resistance was confused. I could feel its hesitation. Its fists were still up but no longer swinging. I went on:

"Ok, so I'm going to start viewing you in a different light. I don't hate you.

I know you serve an important purpose in my life. You're there to challenge me and teach me.

Without you I wouldn't be able to say I overcame. Without overcoming, I wouldn't be able to feel the victory of sweet success. I wouldn't be able to say I'm GRATEFUL that I made it to the other side. I know you can see the greatness in me and I used to think you were trying to keep me down. I know now that you want to make me as strong as possible; when you're in my face I know its because you're giving me cues about which direction I need to go and what I need to focus on even more."

"I know that, for good reason, you test me. And you train me. You help me build up my emotional muscles to endure this life I've chosen. I'm seriously tired of fighting with you and don't feel the urge to punch you in the face anymore. I love you and I know you want what's best for me. I can see that now. Let's be friends, ok?" 

By this time resistance was paying full attention and all the tension between us had evaporated into thin air. Its arms were at its side.

Yet it wasn't defeated. And I wasn't defeated. 

Maybe I even saw a little glint of pride in its eyes because I finally got it.