Making Resistance My Friend

There's a lot of talk about resistance today. There are books written about it, people doing Ted Talks on it, YouTube videos about it...and people experiencing it. Le sigh.


Just uttering the very word makes me feel tired. 

Back when I didn't understand resistance, I hated its guts. It was not my friend. I knew plenty of other people who hated their resistance, too. I remember well-meaning people giving me advice to "punch resistance in the face" and "when resistance knocks you down, get back up and tell it, 'You hit like a bitch.'" Whoa! Why the violence?

It was as if resistance and I were in a boxing ring having a match that was never-ending.  


The other day I was, yet again, on the ropes. Resistance was giving my creativity, my drive and my confidence uppercuts in their soft areas. I was going down. And would likely be down for the count IF I hadn't had an epiphany in the moment I was getting my ass handed to me.

In a moment of clarity, I stopped fighting. I stopped struggling. I stopped hating. Instead I looked resistance square in the eye and spoke in a direct, gentle tone:

"Hey, Resistance...I am not sure why we're even here. No one wants see us fight. Honestly it's so boring and passé.  I believed we were enemies and we needed to duke it out. but seriously, WHY are we fighting?? Have you ever thought about it? I mean really thought about it? And why has this been going on for freaking years now? I guess I was blindly doing what everyone expects, i.e. what's the norm. Now that I'm doing some critical this the best use of our time? Do we really have to fight?? I've never even talked to you once before this moment and yet we both want to beat the crap out of each other on a daily basis? Does that make any sense to you??"

I could literally feel resistance's energy shift after I started talking. It's no surprise, right? Resistance and I were enemies for so long. I'm sure my speech was out of the blue and startling. Resistance was confused. I could feel its hesitation. Its fists were still up but no longer swinging. I went on:

"Ok, so I'm going to start viewing you in a different light. I don't hate you.

I know you serve an important purpose in my life. You're there to challenge me and teach me.

Without you I wouldn't be able to say I overcame. Without overcoming, I wouldn't be able to feel the victory of sweet success. I wouldn't be able to say I'm GRATEFUL that I made it to the other side. I know you can see the greatness in me and I used to think you were trying to keep me down. I know now that you want to make me as strong as possible; when you're in my face I know its because you're giving me cues about which direction I need to go and what I need to focus on even more."

"I know that, for good reason, you test me. And you train me. You help me build up my emotional muscles to endure this life I've chosen. I'm seriously tired of fighting with you and don't feel the urge to punch you in the face anymore. I love you and I know you want what's best for me. I can see that now. Let's be friends, ok?" 

By this time resistance was paying full attention and all the tension between us had evaporated into thin air. Its arms were at its side.

Yet it wasn't defeated. And I wasn't defeated. 

Maybe I even saw a little glint of pride in its eyes because I finally got it.